THE SCIENTOLIGISTS ARE ADVERTISING NOW.

I just saw it.

Dear god.

See You Later, Alligator

Alligator Review:
The National's third album Alligator is far from spectacular. The Brooklyn based band blend of indie, folk and country is occasionally seamless but mostly chunky. The country influenced songs seem more natural, whilst the indie seems less so. The real gem of the album is track five, Daughters of the Soho Riots, presumably written about the Stonewall Riots. Alligator incites no emotion, unlike its precursor Boxer. It strives to be as creative as indie folk brethren like Bon Iver and Jose Gonzalez, the efforts are unfounded and acheive little more than a subpar, awkward attempt at greatness. The lyrics are mostly good but don't suit the music behind them. Three and a half stars given with snaps for effort.

My Thoughts on Jennifer's Body

The first of which being hells yes! I was dubious about Megan Fox in the role, it was either something she could rock or it would be another dead in the eyes preformance by some half dead flavor of the month starlet, but it looks like she nailed it.
Secondly, the cast is amazing. I literally squealed when I heard Adam Brody was in it (in guyliner no less). Amanda Seyfried is good in everything she's ever been in. Seriously, girl, leave some talent for the rest of us. Also, Kyle Gallner (of Veronica Mars fame) is my favorite up and coming actor. I hear he wears guyliner, too.
The only thing I'm slightly peeved about is the soundtrack. Now, I'm all for Little Boots (kind of guilty pleasure) but the rest of the soundtrack is just...disappointing. Especially after the sheer indie wonder that was the Juno soundtrack. I mean, really, Diablo. Panic(!) at the Disco? All Time Low?
This is a soundtrack for the emaciated, skinny jean wearing, neon t-shirt, "My bangs are so long I can't see more than a foot and I'm wearing so much eyeliner that MAC is considering giving me a promotional deal." types.
Still excited, though.

Movies I'm physced to see and why (Par deux)

Excitement level key:
Pink: Excited but a little dubious.
Magenta: Excited!
Red: ZOMGPOHNIESICANTWAIT

Inglorious Bastards: I adore Quentin Tarantino and I'm so excited for this movie. Of course I'll probably watch it on DVD so when the bloody grossness occurs, I can hide my face in a pillow.
Excitement level: Magenta


Away We Go: I've heard mixed reviews about this movie but I still really want to see it. And not just too see John Krasinki with a beard.
Excitement level: Pink

Alice in Wonderland: Tim Burton + one of the most surreal book ever + Johnny Depp + Alan Rickman + Helena Bonham Carter = Oh. My. God.
Excitement level: Red


Jennifer's Body: Megan Fox as a slutty, boy eating cheerleader and Adam Brody as a bad ass band member who sacrifices her soul. Also, Diablo Cody wrote it. Awesome.

Dear Salon.com,
I love your website. Really, I do. But sometimes, I have to do research on the things you write about and they lead me to things like this:
http://www.noroomforcontraception.com/index.php
and
http://www.generationlife.org/life_love/index.php
and all I have to say to those sites are:
Keep your opinions out of my uterus. KTHNKSBYE.
-H

Dear American Apparel.
This: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504l.html and this: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504nt.html is not OK.
NOT OK, AA! Scrunchies are done, all right. The trend is over. Dig a hole, put pennies on their eyes, because they are dead in the ground, baby.
It's OK, Dov Charvey. Letting go can be difficult. The 80's were a wonderful time. But it's 2009 now, and you just have to accept that.
And, hey, if you're ever out sometime and your thinking about wearing a scrunchie. Call me, I'll pick you up, no questions asked.
-H

*A note: I really hated Twilight. Like...a lot*

So this is my running commentary on Twilight...Enjoy!
*Band slam? Oh, Summit. You shame yourself
*FBI warning FTW!!!!
*Oh, look. It’s Bambi!
*Dear god, Bella. It’s a minute in to the movie and I already want to vomit.
*No, Bambi, No!
*Cactus? Really? You’re going to bring...a cactus?
*“You like purple, right?” That was sweet. I like the awkward Bella/Dad dynamic.
*Taylor Lautner, why are you wearing a wig?
*Ooooh Taaaaaylor. Your teeth. So white, so symetrical. Oh, wait. Something important is happening.
*Double pump the clutch. I know what you want Bella to double pump Jacob. I’m on to you.
*No town is so small that they do a feature on the new kid.
*Here come the pretty people. They’re all so pale and shiiiiiiny.
*The blonde one who looks like he’s in pain. Oh Jackson Rath-
*Oh, my. Rob, you’re so pale. And you have a bouffant. Why?
*And your scowling. Scowl, scowl. Grr.
*Jesus fucking christ could you be anymore obvious Edward? Covering your nose? Shit, fool.
*You don’t look sexy now. Just constipated.
*I luff this song. *Eyes on Fire-Blue Foundation*
*Run, Forest, run!
*Bella totally just fell on her ass. It was amusing.
*Oh. Hi, Edward. You look marginally less homicidal today.
**Swoons* You’re....so.....um. Must you smile like that?
*Now you’re both being awkward. Stop it. I dislike this.
*Oh, Edward....you’re wearing a t-shirt. And you’re arms. There so...arm-like.
*Bella, I know you’re compelled to be awkward. But stop. I mean it. Don’t.
*OH SNAPPLE THERE’S A VAN!!!!
*And it’s stopped by the sheer hunk of man that is Edward. *applauds*
*Ohhh, the shiny people look pissed.
*Dr. Cullen. You’re so blond. And pretty. Why are you all so pretty.
*Robert Pattinson, are you...wearing lipstick?
*Officially being creepy now, Edward.
*You can google it. Hehehehe.
**Jumps up and down* Alice! I love you! You’re so small and perky!
*Edward, you’re so manly. You can bounce an apple of your foot!
*Are you trying to flirt, Bella? Oh, you are.
*Umm, I think the smexy british dude is...well...smexy.
*Prom dress shopping scene! Essential to any good chick flick.
*Creepy dudes stalking pretty girl...less essential.
**Snickers* Did you just growl, Edward? You did! Oh, how scary! Not.
*Special diet. I’ll say.
*Money, sex, cat.
*Epic realization scene.
*Followed by sexy blood drinking sequence
*“Say it!” Dear Edward: You are V. creepy in this scene. Pls to be stopping now, yeah?
*Still doing it!
*Sparklepire! Sparklepire full of fail!
*“You’re beautiful.” And you’re dumb, Bella.
*Waa-waa. Waa fucking waa.
*Sparklepire montage
*Robert Pattinson in Ray*Bans...nom.
*Vegetarians....riiiiight.
*Staredown between the vamp and the old dude in a wheelchair. Whoo. Hardcore.
*Not the moats...teehehe.
*Oh, Rosalie. You’re so snarky. I love it.
*Oh, and Jasper. You look so...pained?
*Are you dancing now? No? Yes. You are. Awkwardly.
*Oh. Nope. You’re not.
*You better hold on tight spider monkey? Really? I mean, who says that?
*Oh Rpatz you’re so sexy when you play the piano.
*IT’S STEPHENIE MEYER! HI! CAMEO TIME CAMEO TIME!
*Wait, is that man wearing a yarmulke?
*No, its a little hat.
*Your sleep fascinates me and oh-
*Did you just fly backwards?
*Baseball? Really?
*Oooh. This is swanky.
*Oh. Wow. You’re like, floating.
*Some snarling. Grrr.
*Ahhh, poor Billy Burke.
*Really, James? You’re gonna make a vampire porn snuff film?
*Oh, cuz pepper spray is gonna work on a vampire.
*Some manly ass kicking.
*Mad props to Kirsten Stewart. Who made her pain so believable. Seriously, I was majorly uncomfortable with that scene.
*“Oh, you fell.” As opposed to, “Oh, a crazy vampire tried to eat you.”
*“Poor me, I’m a sparklepire! Angst whine angst!”
*Really, Bella? You thought he was gonna in to a sparklepire at your prom?
*OMG CLIFFHANGER!!!