Dear Salon.com,
I love your website. Really, I do. But sometimes, I have to do research on the things you write about and they lead me to things like this:
http://www.noroomforcontraception.com/index.php
and
http://www.generationlife.org/life_love/index.php
and all I have to say to those sites are:
Keep your opinions out of my uterus. KTHNKSBYE.
-H
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Dear American Apparel.
This: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504l.html and this: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504nt.html is not OK.
NOT OK, AA! Scrunchies are done, all right. The trend is over. Dig a hole, put pennies on their eyes, because they are dead in the ground, baby.
It's OK, Dov Charvey. Letting go can be difficult. The 80's were a wonderful time. But it's 2009 now, and you just have to accept that.
And, hey, if you're ever out sometime and your thinking about wearing a scrunchie. Call me, I'll pick you up, no questions asked.
-H
This: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504l.html and this: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504nt.html is not OK.
NOT OK, AA! Scrunchies are done, all right. The trend is over. Dig a hole, put pennies on their eyes, because they are dead in the ground, baby.
It's OK, Dov Charvey. Letting go can be difficult. The 80's were a wonderful time. But it's 2009 now, and you just have to accept that.
And, hey, if you're ever out sometime and your thinking about wearing a scrunchie. Call me, I'll pick you up, no questions asked.
-H
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
*A note: I really hated Twilight. Like...a lot*
So this is my running commentary on Twilight...Enjoy!
*Band slam? Oh, Summit. You shame yourself
*FBI warning FTW!!!!
*Oh, look. It’s Bambi!
*Dear god, Bella. It’s a minute in to the movie and I already want to vomit.
*No, Bambi, No!
*Cactus? Really? You’re going to bring...a cactus?
*“You like purple, right?” That was sweet. I like the awkward Bella/Dad dynamic.
*Taylor Lautner, why are you wearing a wig?
*Ooooh Taaaaaylor. Your teeth. So white, so symetrical. Oh, wait. Something important is happening.
*Double pump the clutch. I know what you want Bella to double pump Jacob. I’m on to you.
*No town is so small that they do a feature on the new kid.
*Here come the pretty people. They’re all so pale and shiiiiiiny.
*The blonde one who looks like he’s in pain. Oh Jackson Rath-
*Oh, my. Rob, you’re so pale. And you have a bouffant. Why?
*And your scowling. Scowl, scowl. Grr.
*Jesus fucking christ could you be anymore obvious Edward? Covering your nose? Shit, fool.
*You don’t look sexy now. Just constipated.
*I luff this song. *Eyes on Fire-Blue Foundation*
*Run, Forest, run!
*Bella totally just fell on her ass. It was amusing.
*Oh. Hi, Edward. You look marginally less homicidal today.
**Swoons* You’re....so.....um. Must you smile like that?
*Now you’re both being awkward. Stop it. I dislike this.
*Oh, Edward....you’re wearing a t-shirt. And you’re arms. There so...arm-like.
*Bella, I know you’re compelled to be awkward. But stop. I mean it. Don’t.
*OH SNAPPLE THERE’S A VAN!!!!
*And it’s stopped by the sheer hunk of man that is Edward. *applauds*
*Ohhh, the shiny people look pissed.
*Dr. Cullen. You’re so blond. And pretty. Why are you all so pretty.
*Robert Pattinson, are you...wearing lipstick?
*Officially being creepy now, Edward.
*You can google it. Hehehehe.
**Jumps up and down* Alice! I love you! You’re so small and perky!
*Edward, you’re so manly. You can bounce an apple of your foot!
*Are you trying to flirt, Bella? Oh, you are.
*Umm, I think the smexy british dude is...well...smexy.
*Prom dress shopping scene! Essential to any good chick flick.
*Creepy dudes stalking pretty girl...less essential.
**Snickers* Did you just growl, Edward? You did! Oh, how scary! Not.
*Special diet. I’ll say.
*Money, sex, cat.
*Epic realization scene.
*Followed by sexy blood drinking sequence
*“Say it!” Dear Edward: You are V. creepy in this scene. Pls to be stopping now, yeah?
*Still doing it!
*Sparklepire! Sparklepire full of fail!
*“You’re beautiful.” And you’re dumb, Bella.
*Waa-waa. Waa fucking waa.
*Sparklepire montage
*Robert Pattinson in Ray*Bans...nom.
*Vegetarians....riiiiight.
*Staredown between the vamp and the old dude in a wheelchair. Whoo. Hardcore.
*Not the moats...teehehe.
*Oh, Rosalie. You’re so snarky. I love it.
*Oh, and Jasper. You look so...pained?
*Are you dancing now? No? Yes. You are. Awkwardly.
*Oh. Nope. You’re not.
*You better hold on tight spider monkey? Really? I mean, who says that?
*Oh Rpatz you’re so sexy when you play the piano.
*IT’S STEPHENIE MEYER! HI! CAMEO TIME CAMEO TIME!
*Wait, is that man wearing a yarmulke?
*No, its a little hat.
*Your sleep fascinates me and oh-
*Did you just fly backwards?
*Baseball? Really?
*Oooh. This is swanky.
*Oh. Wow. You’re like, floating.
*Some snarling. Grrr.
*Ahhh, poor Billy Burke.
*Really, James? You’re gonna make a vampire porn snuff film?
*Oh, cuz pepper spray is gonna work on a vampire.
*Some manly ass kicking.
*Mad props to Kirsten Stewart. Who made her pain so believable. Seriously, I was majorly uncomfortable with that scene.
*“Oh, you fell.” As opposed to, “Oh, a crazy vampire tried to eat you.”
*“Poor me, I’m a sparklepire! Angst whine angst!”
*Really, Bella? You thought he was gonna in to a sparklepire at your prom?
*OMG CLIFFHANGER!!!
So this is my running commentary on Twilight...Enjoy!
*Band slam? Oh, Summit. You shame yourself
*FBI warning FTW!!!!
*Oh, look. It’s Bambi!
*Dear god, Bella. It’s a minute in to the movie and I already want to vomit.
*No, Bambi, No!
*Cactus? Really? You’re going to bring...a cactus?
*“You like purple, right?” That was sweet. I like the awkward Bella/Dad dynamic.
*Taylor Lautner, why are you wearing a wig?
*Ooooh Taaaaaylor. Your teeth. So white, so symetrical. Oh, wait. Something important is happening.
*Double pump the clutch. I know what you want Bella to double pump Jacob. I’m on to you.
*No town is so small that they do a feature on the new kid.
*Here come the pretty people. They’re all so pale and shiiiiiiny.
*The blonde one who looks like he’s in pain. Oh Jackson Rath-
*Oh, my. Rob, you’re so pale. And you have a bouffant. Why?
*And your scowling. Scowl, scowl. Grr.
*Jesus fucking christ could you be anymore obvious Edward? Covering your nose? Shit, fool.
*You don’t look sexy now. Just constipated.
*I luff this song. *Eyes on Fire-Blue Foundation*
*Run, Forest, run!
*Bella totally just fell on her ass. It was amusing.
*Oh. Hi, Edward. You look marginally less homicidal today.
**Swoons* You’re....so.....um. Must you smile like that?
*Now you’re both being awkward. Stop it. I dislike this.
*Oh, Edward....you’re wearing a t-shirt. And you’re arms. There so...arm-like.
*Bella, I know you’re compelled to be awkward. But stop. I mean it. Don’t.
*OH SNAPPLE THERE’S A VAN!!!!
*And it’s stopped by the sheer hunk of man that is Edward. *applauds*
*Ohhh, the shiny people look pissed.
*Dr. Cullen. You’re so blond. And pretty. Why are you all so pretty.
*Robert Pattinson, are you...wearing lipstick?
*Officially being creepy now, Edward.
*You can google it. Hehehehe.
**Jumps up and down* Alice! I love you! You’re so small and perky!
*Edward, you’re so manly. You can bounce an apple of your foot!
*Are you trying to flirt, Bella? Oh, you are.
*Umm, I think the smexy british dude is...well...smexy.
*Prom dress shopping scene! Essential to any good chick flick.
*Creepy dudes stalking pretty girl...less essential.
**Snickers* Did you just growl, Edward? You did! Oh, how scary! Not.
*Special diet. I’ll say.
*Money, sex, cat.
*Epic realization scene.
*Followed by sexy blood drinking sequence
*“Say it!” Dear Edward: You are V. creepy in this scene. Pls to be stopping now, yeah?
*Still doing it!
*Sparklepire! Sparklepire full of fail!
*“You’re beautiful.” And you’re dumb, Bella.
*Waa-waa. Waa fucking waa.
*Sparklepire montage
*Robert Pattinson in Ray*Bans...nom.
*Vegetarians....riiiiight.
*Staredown between the vamp and the old dude in a wheelchair. Whoo. Hardcore.
*Not the moats...teehehe.
*Oh, Rosalie. You’re so snarky. I love it.
*Oh, and Jasper. You look so...pained?
*Are you dancing now? No? Yes. You are. Awkwardly.
*Oh. Nope. You’re not.
*You better hold on tight spider monkey? Really? I mean, who says that?
*Oh Rpatz you’re so sexy when you play the piano.
*IT’S STEPHENIE MEYER! HI! CAMEO TIME CAMEO TIME!
*Wait, is that man wearing a yarmulke?
*No, its a little hat.
*Your sleep fascinates me and oh-
*Did you just fly backwards?
*Baseball? Really?
*Oooh. This is swanky.
*Oh. Wow. You’re like, floating.
*Some snarling. Grrr.
*Ahhh, poor Billy Burke.
*Really, James? You’re gonna make a vampire porn snuff film?
*Oh, cuz pepper spray is gonna work on a vampire.
*Some manly ass kicking.
*Mad props to Kirsten Stewart. Who made her pain so believable. Seriously, I was majorly uncomfortable with that scene.
*“Oh, you fell.” As opposed to, “Oh, a crazy vampire tried to eat you.”
*“Poor me, I’m a sparklepire! Angst whine angst!”
*Really, Bella? You thought he was gonna in to a sparklepire at your prom?
*OMG CLIFFHANGER!!!
It's a sad day for television. Well, OK, it’s a sad day for me. I viewed the first of the final three Pushing Daisies episodes today. And it was.....beautiful.
No, really.
It was like a Renoir, but with candy colored sets and dry wit matched by no one.
Oh, Lee Pace, I’m so sad. My wednesdsays will be so incomplete without your beautiful face. And, OK, your new movie is getting a direct to movie release, but I still love you! You, and your epic eyebrows.
Anna Friel, your so talented. I'm going to forgive you for being in a *vomit* Will Ferrel *vomit* movie. But hey! You have Breakfast at Tiffany's on the West End. You'll always have Tiffany's....
Chi McBride, your depection as Emerson is so clever/so witty/so awsome. And Kristin Chenoweth. Oh, Kristin. I'll miss your pint sized spunk and random songs.
I'm very sad.
Very, very, sad.
No, really.
It was like a Renoir, but with candy colored sets and dry wit matched by no one.
Oh, Lee Pace, I’m so sad. My wednesdsays will be so incomplete without your beautiful face. And, OK, your new movie is getting a direct to movie release, but I still love you! You, and your epic eyebrows.
Anna Friel, your so talented. I'm going to forgive you for being in a *vomit* Will Ferrel *vomit* movie. But hey! You have Breakfast at Tiffany's on the West End. You'll always have Tiffany's....
Chi McBride, your depection as Emerson is so clever/so witty/so awsome. And Kristin Chenoweth. Oh, Kristin. I'll miss your pint sized spunk and random songs.
I'm very sad.
Very, very, sad.
Monday, June 1, 2009
My New Favorite Songs (Otherwise known as, I'm too lazy to do a real post)
Northwestern Girls-Say Hi (Formerly known as Say Hi To Your Mom)
Suprisingly simplistic lyrics supplemented as Eric Elbogen croons "It must be in the air here"....over, and over and over.
It should annoy me, and yet...
Hate-Cat Power
Gotta love Cat Power. This song is really sad and kind of desolate sounding, making the utterly hopeless lyrics all the more powerful.
Automatic Stop-The Strokes
Because nothing more than love. Julian Casablancas breaking it (not so) easy to a girl sounds so much better in this song than it does in real life.
Machine Gun-Portishead
Portishead is a sexy band. This is a sexy song. But in of dark, and haunting way. Yay?
Kiss Me Again-Jessica Lea Mayfield
This girl has immense talent. This song is kind of lilting, might be classified country, might just be classified as awesome. Sad and sassy and romantic at the same time.
Limit To Your Love-Feist
I adore Feist and this song in particular has been on repeat for days. Also, new favorite lyrics:
There's a limit to your love/like a waterfall in slow motion/like a map with no ocean
Vanished-Crystal Castles
In case you feel the need to dance about in your underwear to some amazing techno. What? I'm not the only one with that need.
....
Right?
\>
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