BSG, Ten Things You ACTUALLY need to know

10. If no one can see the skanky blonde but you then she is probably a Cylon. Or you have deep seated mommy issues.

9. The cooler your Greek mythology name is, the more central you are to the plot (Apollo, Athena, ect.) Also, if your name is linked with a popular chain of coffee houses, your probably not a red shirt. (NERDALERT)

8. Crying jags are perfectly acceptable if the lives of millions of people are in danger and you are the CAPTAIN OF THE MOTHERFUCKING SHIP.

7. Starbuck will always think your a fucking...oh, sorry, FRACKING moron

6. Oh, also, if you are a minority character, you're probably a Cylon too.

5. If you are Tahmoh Penikett, you will spend a great deal of time being noble and clenching your jaw. You should probably spend more time with your shirt off.
....
Just sayin'.

4. If your British and a genius, you should just keep it in your pants, shut the fuck up and make sandwiches. This will keep you from doing DUMB SHIT.

3. If the President has something to say, look up at a fan and put on a rain coat.

2. Don't worry about your show ending, you will always have a guest spot on a Joss Whedon show.

1. The most important thing to remember is that Jamie Bamber needs lots of room to strut around, run his fingers through his suprisingly supple hair and pout.

(500) Days of Summer, Paraphrased.

Voiceover: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Joseph Gordon-Levitts, has a penchant for vests and blazers, and being indier than you. The girl, Zooey Deschanel, has a thing for the color blue, Ringo Starr, and being INDIE and QUIRKY.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: I'm so indie! I'm trained as an architect but I work at a card company! I sit bored in a meeting, tapping my pen! But..hark! What is this oh so beautiful sight I see before me!

Zooey Deschanel: It is I, Zooey Deschanel! I'm introduced by the PERFUNCTORY ASSHOLE BOSS CHARACTER!


(Later, they are in an elevator. Because nothing is more indie than an elevator.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Oh, god. She's standing so close. I've never had a woman's touch before as I look vaguely pre-pubescent despite my hipster facial hair! Focus on Morrisey, damnit!

Zooey Deschanel: The Smiths! Are you also a bleeding heart hipster like me?

JGL: Yes?

Zooey Deschanel: OK! Bye!

(Then there is an INDIE KARAOKE PARTY, and later they all sit at a table drinking INDIE beer)

JGL: I see you are wearing a vest. I appreciate this.

Drunk Friend: Blah blah blah something needed to further the plot blah blah blah.

ZD: I don't have a boyfriend! I am thoroughly disenchanted!

JGL: But I am a hopeless romantic!

(Later)
ZD: As our relationship must progress in order for the film to go further, I shall kiss you in the copy room!

JGL: Awesome. Let me show you sites around Los Angeles, although it is obviously an idealized version because there are no homeless people talking to soda cans and peeing on walls!

ZD: Yay! Now we're are in some record store, I love Ringo Starr.

JGL: That's so INDIE of you! Lets go to your QUIRKY apartment that would not actually exist in the REAL Los Angeles! And have QUIRKY sex with a slow INDIE song in the backround

(Later)
ZD: We're in a bar! And a strange man is hitting on me.

JGL: HULK SMASH!

ZD: Dude...uncool...

(I, uh, don't really remember what happened in between this part so I'm skipping ahead a bit)

JGL: You're depressed! I know, let's go see The Graduate! It's about true wuv!

ZD:...You're an idiot...

JGL: Paaancaaaaaakes!

ZD: It's over.

JGL: Puppy dog eyes....Sid and Nancy reference....?

ZD: Ugh, if you'll excuse me I have to go use my hamburger phone and have Micheal Cera's baby-

P.A: Psst, wrong QUIRKY/INDIE movie.

Z.D: Oh, sorry.

(Later, there is a wedding and a train!)
Z.D: Well, hi!

J.G.L: I am awkwardly reading a self help book.

Z.D: Would you perhaps like to get a cup of INDIE coffee with me?

J.G.L: Would I!

(Later, there is dancing and REMINISCING and she catches the bouquet!)

Z.D: Come to my party!

(He does, but we, the audience can tell shit is about to go down because an OMINOUSLY INDIE Regina Spektor songs begins to play)

J.G.L: I get drunk and reming the audience of my slight co-dependency issues!

Z.D: I'm engaged to someone distinctly not you!

J.G.L:...You have got to be kidding me.

(He drinks Jack Daniels and eats TWINKIES, which I assume is the male version of ice cream and Terms of Endearment)

J.G.L: What's this? Oh, why, it's a rhythmic INDIE song that motivates me to get out of bed and do what I want to with my life.

Z.D: Uh, hey! It's me again. So, I'm married now and we're resolving the story so the viewer leaves feeling vaguely hopeful.

J.G.L: Cool! Now I will go to a job interview and flirt awkwardly with another applicant AKA Minka Kelly. Dinner?

Minka Kelly: Sure.

J.G.L: What is your name?

Minka Kelly: Autumn!

J.G.L:....nevermind....

New Moon Paraphrased

Bella: Woe! Dream sequence in a field! I am old in a mirror! Woe!

Edward: Woe? But I sparkle. Sparke woe?

Bella: Woe! It is my birthday! Woe! My father insists on giving me presents! Woe!

Edward: I shall walk in slow motion towards you. It will incite screams everywhere.

Bella: Lets go to English and read Romeo and Juliet coughthinlyveiledmetaphorcough.

Edward: Ah! Mortality! So fun! So golly!

Bella: Woe!

Cute Little Vampire: Present! Cake! STREAMERS!!!!!

Bella: Papercut. WOE!

Semi-attractive Other Not Edward Vampire: Rawr!

Edward: I shall protect you right into glass table!

Everyone else: Yumrawr?

Semi-Attractive Older Vampire: I fix you!

(later)
Bella: Woe! Kiss me!
(SEXUALTENSION)


Edward: Walk, lets?
Bella: Woe....?
Edward: I don't want you. Nyah nyah nyah.
Bella: Woe! I shall follow your retreating figure into the forest. I tripped!

(Later)
Bella: Months pass! I stare out the window! I scream in my sleep! Such woe.
Dad like person:....whiny little shit.....
(Later)
Dad like person: Go to Florida!
Bella: No.
DLP: GO!
Bella: But I have such w-
DLP: Don't say it. I mean, seriously, you don't have friends.
Bella: I do!

(Later)
Perfunctory Snotty Friend: Blahblah! Nothing important to the plot! Blah!.
Bella: Oh, hey, it's the bikers who tried to rape me last year. I'mma get on his motorcycle:
Perfunctory Snotty Friend:...What?
Bella: I am seeing visions of my vampire ex! I shall now do bad things to see him more!

(Later)
Bella: Ah! Hello, my long haired pretty face purely platonic friend.
Jacob:...Have you forgotten my name again?
Bella: No! Will you help me rebuild bikes?
Jacob: Will you let me in your pants?
Bella:....Mayhaps.
Jacob: Lets do it!

(and we're montaging, and we're montaging. Now they're driving, they're driving)
Bella: Oh no! Those three highly attractive half naked guys just jumped off a cliff. AMBULANCE???
Jacob: Cliff diving! Also, that one keeps giving me lascivious looks.
Bella: I do love me some foreshadowing

(And they're riding the bikes, they're riding the bikes. She sees Edward. She hits her head)
Bella: You're purty.
Jacob: Thanks!

(He won't return her calls. She mopes. She goes to his house)
Bella: You got a tattoo! And you're so ripped! And your hair is so short!
Jacob: Ugh. I have to go run with my half naked gang type thing now.
(Later)
(Half naked gang walk in unison)
Bella: I smack you!
Half naked dude: Ah hale no!
*Is wolf*
Bella: Snap! I'm running, running, running fast!
*Jacob is now also a wolf. And later, they all get muffins.*

Bella: Hmm. I think it would be fun to go cliff diving.

(Authors note: It was at this point that I threw an empty bunch a crunch box at the screen and screamed: "You dumb fucking....GAFGBSF!!!")

Little Vampire Girl: Oh hai! I'm back! You're supposed to be dead!
Bella: Nah.
LVG: Oh, well Sparkles McWhinerson thinks you are and he's going to ask the *EVILBADEVIL* people to kill him.
Bella: To Italy!

(They have somehow gotten a yellow Porsche, and changed wardrobes)
Bella: Woe! I must push my way through *SYMBOLIC* people in red cloaks and run through a fountain to keep my beloved from sparkling!

Edward: God, I'm hot. I'm going to unbutton my shirt sloooooooooooooowly.
Bella: WOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Edward: Oh...hey! Luff!
Bella: Luff!
EVIL Vampire: Chat?
Edward: If we must. However, I insist on going shirtless.
Everyone: HAI DAKOTA FANNING!
Dakota Fanning: Must. Be. More. Famous. Than. Miley. Cyrus.
(They have a lovely, modern elevator.)
Evil British Vampire: HellLLLLooooooOOOOOO.
Edward: Hey.
Evil British Vampire: No, no. HELLooooooOOOOO. Do it sexy! We're in Rome!
Dakota Fanning: Must. Get. Teen. Choice. Award.
Edward: Oh, btw, Evil British Vampire can read your EVERY THOUGHT EVER with ONE MEASLY TOUCH.
Evil British Vampire: Ohhh, yes. Edward you've been a veeeeery naughty boy.
Edward:....Um.....
Evil British Vampire: Oh, yes. Right. Drama. Um. Turn her in to a vampire...rawr....ahhh, this is effort. Can I have a crumpet? A brandy, perhaps?
Little Cute Vampire: OK!
(They go home)
Bella: Let's vote!
Pretty Blonde Vampire: No...but I have a legitimate reas-
Everyone else-SHHHH. YES!

Jacob: Woe.

The Audience: Oh, not you too.

10 Actors I'd Watch in anything.

10. Micheal C. Hall
OK. So I have a confession to make. See, Micheal C. Hall narrated a documentary called Mystery of the Freemasons. Not that Freemasons aren't interesting but see, it was around three in the morning and I was exhausted. But I watched it all the way through, just because of that voice. He's completely brilliant in Six Feet Under where he plays a man struggling with his sexuality and Dexter, where he kills people.



9. John Cusack
This may in fact be a lie. I probably will not be seeing 2012.
Redeem yourself with Hot Tub Time Machine, Cusak. Your on thin ice.



8. Amy Adams
That hair! Those dimples! I mean I actually got over my Patrick Dempsey bias too see Enchanted, but by far her performance in Junebug, which was tragically fragile and naive solidified my adoration of her.



7. Reese Witherspoon
Witherspoon has continually showed her acting chops, in movies ranging from the comedic Legally Blonde to the wrenching Rendition. Watch her in Election where she plays the sinister Tracey Flick, and you'll know this little blonde is a serious actress.
As Elle Woods would say, I rest my case.



6. Eli Wallach
The man is 90 and still working. While he now plays only Adorable Old Jewish Man, he rocks it like he would have 50 years ago.



5. Christina Hendricks
She delivers ever line with cool wit yet still manages to play the kind of vunerablity that makes you tear up.




4. George Clooney
I would watch this man sit and string beads for two hours. Of course, he's not only a talented actor, but he's also a producer and director. I can't wait to see Up in the Air, where he plays a charmingl-y disconnected man,



3. Zooey Deschanel
Those eyes! That quirk! Seriously though, she's an extremely talented actress with an inate talent for making you sympathize with. In Winter Passing (a really fabulous movie if you haven't seen it) she plays a completely broken person who, in addition to being a coke head drowns a kitten. And I almost felt sorry for her,.


2. Jude Law
Jude Law, whose filmography includes Wilde and I Heart Huckabees, gives a wonderful performance, whether he's a widower or Watson.
.....
(Do you know how hard I worked to come up with that alliteration?)


And for the number one actor I'd watch in anything *drumroll**drumroll**


1. Gael Garcia Bernal
No, really, anything. Seriously. As I write I'm watching Dot the I, which continually assaults my brain with foolishness. He's played Che Guevara andwas also in the fabulous Y Tu Mama Tambien and showed great range in the subtle yet tragic Science of Sleep.
Plus, those cheekbones could cut through the worst of plots.
Ba dump bump.

The Glee Drinking Game

Take a drink everytime Schuester looks earnest.

Take a drink everytime Finn says something that almost sounds sincere

Take a drink everytime you can tell their lip-synching

Take a drink everytime the guidance counselor cleans something

Take a drink everytime the cheerleaders are shown

Take a drink everytime someone throws something in Rachel's face

Take a drink everytime Sue looks vaguely homicidal.

Take a drink everytime Schuester's wife wants something.

Take a drink everytime there is a dance number/or someone sings.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Bryan Fuller Will Have a Succesful TV Show

After Pushing Daisies was canceled I went to a bad place. Every Wednesday, I sat in front of my blank TV screen and cried. I stopped showering, the drinking got pretty bad...and I developed a little cough syrup problem.
Now, I've since recovered. You know, I entered a nine step program. And now, maybe, my recovery can be complete. Because, as reported by...well, a lot people, Bryan Fuller (Pushing Daisies, Wonderfalls, Heroes) and Bryan Singer are working on a television adaptation of the book Sellevision (I read half of it, but then I got distracted).

Basically, Sellevision is about the inner workings of a home shopping network.
I hereby nominate Lee Pace, who's worked with Fuller before on Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, as Max Andrews, who is fired after revealing his package on TV. Maybe John Krasinski, but he's *a little* busy with The Office. Sellevision will air on NBC, in a date TBD.

Oh, and here's a dose of Hot Pace Salsa:

Fall Show Drinking Game (The Office Edition)

Take a drink everytime Jim shrugs at the camera.

Take a drink everytime Pam is seen in a cardigan

Take a drink everytime Dwight says fact

Take a drink everytime Dwight says 'question' *Credit to Izzy

Take a drink everytime Micheal says something inappropriate.

Take a drink everytime Angela says something judgmental

Take a drink everytime Kelly says like *note, this can lead to serious alcohol poisoning*

Take a drink everytime Micheal says something innapropriate to Ryan.

Take a drink everytime Ryan looks uncomfortable

Take a drink everytime Bob Vance is mentioned.

Take a drink everytime the warehouse is shown.

Take a drink everytime Jim pulls a prank

Fall Show Drinking Games: Dollhouse

The fall season is coming, which means season and series are starting again.
Yay.
So I've made drinking games for my favorite shows. First up, Dollhouse!

Take a drink every time Echo looks around vacantly

Take a drink every time Boyd or Dr. Saunders looks vaguely disgruntled

Take a drink every time the little Asian intern gets Topher food.

Take a drink every time Topher quips.

Take a drink every time Alpha is mentioned

Take a drink every time Ballard looks conflicted.

Take a drink every time Echo, Sierra and Victor eat lunch together.

Take a drink every time DeWitt raises her eyebrow.

Take a drink every time Topher is seen in the lab

Take a drink every time Dr. Saunders gives Topher a disdainful look.

Take a drink every time Topher makes a quip at an innapropriate time.

Take a drink every time Victor ogles Sierra.


(I take no responsibilty for any alcohol poisoning)

THE SCIENTOLIGISTS ARE ADVERTISING NOW.

I just saw it.

Dear god.

See You Later, Alligator

Alligator Review:
The National's third album Alligator is far from spectacular. The Brooklyn based band blend of indie, folk and country is occasionally seamless but mostly chunky. The country influenced songs seem more natural, whilst the indie seems less so. The real gem of the album is track five, Daughters of the Soho Riots, presumably written about the Stonewall Riots. Alligator incites no emotion, unlike its precursor Boxer. It strives to be as creative as indie folk brethren like Bon Iver and Jose Gonzalez, the efforts are unfounded and acheive little more than a subpar, awkward attempt at greatness. The lyrics are mostly good but don't suit the music behind them. Three and a half stars given with snaps for effort.

My Thoughts on Jennifer's Body

The first of which being hells yes! I was dubious about Megan Fox in the role, it was either something she could rock or it would be another dead in the eyes preformance by some half dead flavor of the month starlet, but it looks like she nailed it.
Secondly, the cast is amazing. I literally squealed when I heard Adam Brody was in it (in guyliner no less). Amanda Seyfried is good in everything she's ever been in. Seriously, girl, leave some talent for the rest of us. Also, Kyle Gallner (of Veronica Mars fame) is my favorite up and coming actor. I hear he wears guyliner, too.
The only thing I'm slightly peeved about is the soundtrack. Now, I'm all for Little Boots (kind of guilty pleasure) but the rest of the soundtrack is just...disappointing. Especially after the sheer indie wonder that was the Juno soundtrack. I mean, really, Diablo. Panic(!) at the Disco? All Time Low?
This is a soundtrack for the emaciated, skinny jean wearing, neon t-shirt, "My bangs are so long I can't see more than a foot and I'm wearing so much eyeliner that MAC is considering giving me a promotional deal." types.
Still excited, though.

Movies I'm physced to see and why (Par deux)

Excitement level key:
Pink: Excited but a little dubious.
Magenta: Excited!
Red: ZOMGPOHNIESICANTWAIT

Inglorious Bastards: I adore Quentin Tarantino and I'm so excited for this movie. Of course I'll probably watch it on DVD so when the bloody grossness occurs, I can hide my face in a pillow.
Excitement level: Magenta


Away We Go: I've heard mixed reviews about this movie but I still really want to see it. And not just too see John Krasinki with a beard.
Excitement level: Pink

Alice in Wonderland: Tim Burton + one of the most surreal book ever + Johnny Depp + Alan Rickman + Helena Bonham Carter = Oh. My. God.
Excitement level: Red


Jennifer's Body: Megan Fox as a slutty, boy eating cheerleader and Adam Brody as a bad ass band member who sacrifices her soul. Also, Diablo Cody wrote it. Awesome.

Dear Salon.com,
I love your website. Really, I do. But sometimes, I have to do research on the things you write about and they lead me to things like this:
http://www.noroomforcontraception.com/index.php
and
http://www.generationlife.org/life_love/index.php
and all I have to say to those sites are:
Keep your opinions out of my uterus. KTHNKSBYE.
-H

Dear American Apparel.
This: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504l.html and this: http://store.americanapparel.net/rsa0504nt.html is not OK.
NOT OK, AA! Scrunchies are done, all right. The trend is over. Dig a hole, put pennies on their eyes, because they are dead in the ground, baby.
It's OK, Dov Charvey. Letting go can be difficult. The 80's were a wonderful time. But it's 2009 now, and you just have to accept that.
And, hey, if you're ever out sometime and your thinking about wearing a scrunchie. Call me, I'll pick you up, no questions asked.
-H

*A note: I really hated Twilight. Like...a lot*

So this is my running commentary on Twilight...Enjoy!
*Band slam? Oh, Summit. You shame yourself
*FBI warning FTW!!!!
*Oh, look. It’s Bambi!
*Dear god, Bella. It’s a minute in to the movie and I already want to vomit.
*No, Bambi, No!
*Cactus? Really? You’re going to bring...a cactus?
*“You like purple, right?” That was sweet. I like the awkward Bella/Dad dynamic.
*Taylor Lautner, why are you wearing a wig?
*Ooooh Taaaaaylor. Your teeth. So white, so symetrical. Oh, wait. Something important is happening.
*Double pump the clutch. I know what you want Bella to double pump Jacob. I’m on to you.
*No town is so small that they do a feature on the new kid.
*Here come the pretty people. They’re all so pale and shiiiiiiny.
*The blonde one who looks like he’s in pain. Oh Jackson Rath-
*Oh, my. Rob, you’re so pale. And you have a bouffant. Why?
*And your scowling. Scowl, scowl. Grr.
*Jesus fucking christ could you be anymore obvious Edward? Covering your nose? Shit, fool.
*You don’t look sexy now. Just constipated.
*I luff this song. *Eyes on Fire-Blue Foundation*
*Run, Forest, run!
*Bella totally just fell on her ass. It was amusing.
*Oh. Hi, Edward. You look marginally less homicidal today.
**Swoons* You’re....so.....um. Must you smile like that?
*Now you’re both being awkward. Stop it. I dislike this.
*Oh, Edward....you’re wearing a t-shirt. And you’re arms. There so...arm-like.
*Bella, I know you’re compelled to be awkward. But stop. I mean it. Don’t.
*OH SNAPPLE THERE’S A VAN!!!!
*And it’s stopped by the sheer hunk of man that is Edward. *applauds*
*Ohhh, the shiny people look pissed.
*Dr. Cullen. You’re so blond. And pretty. Why are you all so pretty.
*Robert Pattinson, are you...wearing lipstick?
*Officially being creepy now, Edward.
*You can google it. Hehehehe.
**Jumps up and down* Alice! I love you! You’re so small and perky!
*Edward, you’re so manly. You can bounce an apple of your foot!
*Are you trying to flirt, Bella? Oh, you are.
*Umm, I think the smexy british dude is...well...smexy.
*Prom dress shopping scene! Essential to any good chick flick.
*Creepy dudes stalking pretty girl...less essential.
**Snickers* Did you just growl, Edward? You did! Oh, how scary! Not.
*Special diet. I’ll say.
*Money, sex, cat.
*Epic realization scene.
*Followed by sexy blood drinking sequence
*“Say it!” Dear Edward: You are V. creepy in this scene. Pls to be stopping now, yeah?
*Still doing it!
*Sparklepire! Sparklepire full of fail!
*“You’re beautiful.” And you’re dumb, Bella.
*Waa-waa. Waa fucking waa.
*Sparklepire montage
*Robert Pattinson in Ray*Bans...nom.
*Vegetarians....riiiiight.
*Staredown between the vamp and the old dude in a wheelchair. Whoo. Hardcore.
*Not the moats...teehehe.
*Oh, Rosalie. You’re so snarky. I love it.
*Oh, and Jasper. You look so...pained?
*Are you dancing now? No? Yes. You are. Awkwardly.
*Oh. Nope. You’re not.
*You better hold on tight spider monkey? Really? I mean, who says that?
*Oh Rpatz you’re so sexy when you play the piano.
*IT’S STEPHENIE MEYER! HI! CAMEO TIME CAMEO TIME!
*Wait, is that man wearing a yarmulke?
*No, its a little hat.
*Your sleep fascinates me and oh-
*Did you just fly backwards?
*Baseball? Really?
*Oooh. This is swanky.
*Oh. Wow. You’re like, floating.
*Some snarling. Grrr.
*Ahhh, poor Billy Burke.
*Really, James? You’re gonna make a vampire porn snuff film?
*Oh, cuz pepper spray is gonna work on a vampire.
*Some manly ass kicking.
*Mad props to Kirsten Stewart. Who made her pain so believable. Seriously, I was majorly uncomfortable with that scene.
*“Oh, you fell.” As opposed to, “Oh, a crazy vampire tried to eat you.”
*“Poor me, I’m a sparklepire! Angst whine angst!”
*Really, Bella? You thought he was gonna in to a sparklepire at your prom?
*OMG CLIFFHANGER!!!

It's a sad day for television. Well, OK, it’s a sad day for me. I viewed the first of the final three Pushing Daisies episodes today. And it was.....beautiful.
No, really.
It was like a Renoir, but with candy colored sets and dry wit matched by no one.

Oh, Lee Pace, I’m so sad. My wednesdsays will be so incomplete without your beautiful face. And, OK, your new movie is getting a direct to movie release, but I still love you! You, and your epic eyebrows.

Anna Friel, your so talented. I'm going to forgive you for being in a *vomit* Will Ferrel *vomit* movie. But hey! You have Breakfast at Tiffany's on the West End. You'll always have Tiffany's....
Chi McBride, your depection as Emerson is so clever/so witty/so awsome. And Kristin Chenoweth. Oh, Kristin. I'll miss your pint sized spunk and random songs.
I'm very sad.
Very, very, sad.

My New Favorite Songs (Otherwise known as, I'm too lazy to do a real post)

Northwestern Girls-Say Hi (Formerly known as Say Hi To Your Mom)

Suprisingly simplistic lyrics supplemented as Eric Elbogen croons "It must be in the air here"....over, and over and over. 

It should annoy me, and yet...

Hate-Cat Power

Gotta love Cat Power. This song is really sad and kind of desolate sounding, making the utterly hopeless lyrics all the more powerful.

Automatic Stop-The Strokes

Because nothing more than love. Julian Casablancas breaking it (not so) easy to a girl sounds so much better in this song than it does in real life. 

Machine Gun-Portishead

Portishead is a sexy band. This is a sexy song. But in of dark, and haunting way. Yay?

Kiss Me Again-Jessica Lea Mayfield

This girl has immense talent. This song is kind of lilting, might be classified country, might just be classified as awesome.  Sad and sassy and romantic at the same time.

Limit To Your Love-Feist

I adore Feist and this song in particular has been on repeat for days. Also, new favorite lyrics:

There's a limit to your love/like a waterfall in slow motion/like a map with no ocean

Vanished-Crystal Castles

In case you feel the need to dance about in your underwear to some amazing techno. What? I'm not the only one with that need.

....

Right?

\>

A delayed reaction to Prop. 8

I was traveling when I heard the news and didn't have access to a computer to post immediately:

It really saddens me that Prop. 8 has passed. It angers me, and, quite frankly, it makes me ashamed to be from California. I try to reason with why it passed, but it all just seems ludacrious to me.
One of the big issues with me is the “sanctity of marriage” bullshit. The sanctity of marriage was destroyed when the ability to get a drive through marriage came about. Marriage originated as a business transaction between two families, and then as a way to pass ownership of a woman from one man to another. It’s only in recent history that people have married for love. Some argue that allowing same-sex marriages is against God’s will. Well, I’m not religious, but didn’t God say love your neighbor? What happens if you’re neighbors gay. Also, shellfish! Aren’t you not allowed to eat shellfish? Or wear poleyester. Poleyester is a sin. So, all of y’all in your poleyester “Save the Children” “God Forbid We Catch the Gay” T-shirts? Yeah, you’re pissing god off too.
My theory is that these people, who use God as their arguments are afraid. They’re afraid because they don’t understand, and the unknown is scary. I acknowledge this. Thats is why I only shop at four stores. But fear turning in to hate is not OK. Thats what Prop. 8 is. It’s law sanctioned hate.

I’m not gay but many of my closests friends are. My best friend, who I love dearly, is the leader of her GSA and is in a loving relationship with an amazing girl. As angry as I am, I can’t begin to fathom what she’s feeling right now.
Eventually, gays and lesbians will get the right to marry. I know it, the LGBT community knows it, the conservatives know it, the people who voted yes on 8 know it. Everyone knows. Now it’s just a matter of when.

In a night time telly sort of way,

Or,
Why British TV Trumps American TV:
1. They don't skate around sex. Unless its ice skater sex. And then there's skating.
2. Bollocks, bloody, twat, tosser, shag, wanker, etc.
3. John Barrowman. 'Nuff said.
4. They have a strange obsession with asses (or, arses). Seeing Dev Patel in the buff put Slumdog Millionare in to a whole new light.
5. THEY CAN SAY FUCK!!!!
6a. The actors are well fit, yeah?
6b. And they say thing like well fit.

Movies I'm Physced to See and Why

Nine: I can't even begin to describe how amazing I think this is going to be. Four of my favorite actresses, plus Dame Judi Dench who defies any category, be it actress or goddess. And, I digress, it does look a little bit like an Italian Moulin Rouge!, minus Ewan. But hey, imitation is the best form of flattery!
Release Date: November 25, 2009

How To Be: No, I am not seeing this because of Robert Pattinson. So shut up. He's just an added bonus, 'kay? This movie looks like adorable, sweet, and I love the premise. And though I will have to sit through two hours of bowl cut heaven, it'll be worth it.
"I'm going through some sort of quarter life crisis."
Dude.
Join the club.
(Already in theaters)

Paper Heart: YAY MICHEAL CERA YAYAYAYAY! Plus, Charlyne Yi is like a little Asian dimply teddy bear of loveless joy. It's like, an indie kids guide to love on camera, but...not really. Sweet, savvy, and oh yeah, did I mention sweet?
(Release date August 7. 2009)

Julie & Julia: Let me start off by saying that I worship Amy Adams. Her performance in Sunshine Cleaners was just amazingly tender. Meryl Streep...I mean, no words. Amazing, amazing actress. So, basically not only does this movie involve cooking, but it's also an uplifting tale of passion, butter and chutzpah.
(Release date August 7. 2009)

Post Grad: Just from the trailer, I can tell that while it's not going to be Casablanca, it'll be a fun, frothy summer movie.
And there's a distinct possibilty I might cry. Oh, and excuse me while I squee over the thought of Alexis Bledel and Zach Gilford on screen...together.
SQUEEEEEEEE
(Release date August 21. 2009)

Whatever Works: Woody Allen is a god, and the tale of a sardonic New Yorker who talks to himself taking in a southern family is pure gold.
'Nuff said.
(Release Date: June 19. 2009)

Candy Girl

So I just bought Diablo Cody's book "Candy Girls: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper." today...and I finished it today too.
Ms. Cody details her year in the sex industry, not only as a stripper, but also as a live nude model and a sex phone operator. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, in large part because Cody's wit sparkles through what could be a routine tale about alt girl turned stripper.
Cody is so upfront and balls out (literally) about her experiences that you feel almost voyeuristic reading. In one scene, a fellow nude model unabashedly details to Cody her experience as a hooker. Its things like this, the in your face honesty, that sets the story apart.
Now, I'm a huge fan of Cody's screenplays. Juno had me practically on the floor, and the same pop savvy wit pops up in her book. While trying to describe the pains strippers go to to avoid a certain look she quips: "In direct opposition of the Swayze Mandate of 1987, everyone puts baby in a goddamned corner" Such sardonic wit wins mad points in my book.
Some feminists disdain appears towards the end of her book, but Cody remains other wise un-judgmental, and both reader and author get a happy ending bought with singles.

Solid A+

It's two review Tuesday!

If I had the opportunity to buy a band and have them do my bidding (does that sound dirty?) then I would choose the Cheat. I had the pleasure to see The Cheat live last Christmas season at the Roxy. The same two thought running through my head.
1. This band is the shit
2. If I propositioned the bassist, would they kick me out of the venue?

Well, OK, maybe that wasn’t my exact thought process, but it was close.
The Cheat’s second EP (availabe on Itunes) seems to bounce from wanting to play easily soft indie rock and the kind of dark post-punk sound of Interpol. In the opening track of Drunk With Power shows how well the band works together. While lead singer Jesse Nolan croons softly, a repetitive acoustic guitar plays under the drums and bass. The boys of The Cheat harmonize well in all the songs, particularly in “Sooner or Later” which is vaguely reminscent of The Beatles. “Diet Coke At The Gap” makes it apparent that the band listens to a lot of Radiohead, the instrumentals are headier than the other songs, and Nolan channels his inner Justin Warfield. The lo-fi sounds in most of the songs make the band sound rawer than they are, and lyrically the band lacks an emotional connection that indie greats such as Death Cab and Rilo Kiley do. The bands sound needs to mature slightly, but I look forward to a full length album from these up and comers.
A-