(500) Days of Summer, Paraphrased.

Voiceover: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Joseph Gordon-Levitts, has a penchant for vests and blazers, and being indier than you. The girl, Zooey Deschanel, has a thing for the color blue, Ringo Starr, and being INDIE and QUIRKY.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: I'm so indie! I'm trained as an architect but I work at a card company! I sit bored in a meeting, tapping my pen! But..hark! What is this oh so beautiful sight I see before me!

Zooey Deschanel: It is I, Zooey Deschanel! I'm introduced by the PERFUNCTORY ASSHOLE BOSS CHARACTER!


(Later, they are in an elevator. Because nothing is more indie than an elevator.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Oh, god. She's standing so close. I've never had a woman's touch before as I look vaguely pre-pubescent despite my hipster facial hair! Focus on Morrisey, damnit!

Zooey Deschanel: The Smiths! Are you also a bleeding heart hipster like me?

JGL: Yes?

Zooey Deschanel: OK! Bye!

(Then there is an INDIE KARAOKE PARTY, and later they all sit at a table drinking INDIE beer)

JGL: I see you are wearing a vest. I appreciate this.

Drunk Friend: Blah blah blah something needed to further the plot blah blah blah.

ZD: I don't have a boyfriend! I am thoroughly disenchanted!

JGL: But I am a hopeless romantic!

(Later)
ZD: As our relationship must progress in order for the film to go further, I shall kiss you in the copy room!

JGL: Awesome. Let me show you sites around Los Angeles, although it is obviously an idealized version because there are no homeless people talking to soda cans and peeing on walls!

ZD: Yay! Now we're are in some record store, I love Ringo Starr.

JGL: That's so INDIE of you! Lets go to your QUIRKY apartment that would not actually exist in the REAL Los Angeles! And have QUIRKY sex with a slow INDIE song in the backround

(Later)
ZD: We're in a bar! And a strange man is hitting on me.

JGL: HULK SMASH!

ZD: Dude...uncool...

(I, uh, don't really remember what happened in between this part so I'm skipping ahead a bit)

JGL: You're depressed! I know, let's go see The Graduate! It's about true wuv!

ZD:...You're an idiot...

JGL: Paaancaaaaaakes!

ZD: It's over.

JGL: Puppy dog eyes....Sid and Nancy reference....?

ZD: Ugh, if you'll excuse me I have to go use my hamburger phone and have Micheal Cera's baby-

P.A: Psst, wrong QUIRKY/INDIE movie.

Z.D: Oh, sorry.

(Later, there is a wedding and a train!)
Z.D: Well, hi!

J.G.L: I am awkwardly reading a self help book.

Z.D: Would you perhaps like to get a cup of INDIE coffee with me?

J.G.L: Would I!

(Later, there is dancing and REMINISCING and she catches the bouquet!)

Z.D: Come to my party!

(He does, but we, the audience can tell shit is about to go down because an OMINOUSLY INDIE Regina Spektor songs begins to play)

J.G.L: I get drunk and reming the audience of my slight co-dependency issues!

Z.D: I'm engaged to someone distinctly not you!

J.G.L:...You have got to be kidding me.

(He drinks Jack Daniels and eats TWINKIES, which I assume is the male version of ice cream and Terms of Endearment)

J.G.L: What's this? Oh, why, it's a rhythmic INDIE song that motivates me to get out of bed and do what I want to with my life.

Z.D: Uh, hey! It's me again. So, I'm married now and we're resolving the story so the viewer leaves feeling vaguely hopeful.

J.G.L: Cool! Now I will go to a job interview and flirt awkwardly with another applicant AKA Minka Kelly. Dinner?

Minka Kelly: Sure.

J.G.L: What is your name?

Minka Kelly: Autumn!

J.G.L:....nevermind....